GrowingOlderHopeWiser

The Darkness

Darkness has fallen like a veil, hiding any happiness I have gleaned from this day. I began my day with some hope. There was a slight glimmer of gaiety. Yet, it was shattered by a casual remark. The remark seemed benign, but it was shattering to my already fragile ego. I understand that my depression has reared its ugly head once again. It spoils my joy and boosts my insecurities. I feel utterly powerless to change.

It is too late to repair the damage. I neglected myself. The scars of past choices stay, made in fear and insecurity. I did not take care of my body; I allowed a wall to be built both physically and emotionally.

The Lightness

The lightness comes from the experience of my Buddhist studies and meditations; I glean hope and understanding. Buddha’s logical teachings make sense to me. I want the way I think things should be. I want to control the other players in the drama. I reject the way things are. These are the inner demons. They include my delusions, my mistaken appearances, and my self-grasping. These factors are the causes of my suffering and depression.

The Moodiness

My moods sometimes turn on a dime, swinging from lightness to darkness and back to light. These changes can also be attributed to genetics and natural causes—chemical imbalances, aging, and declining health. For example, I now get extra frustrated with my deteriorating eyesight due to cataracts. I also experience exhaustion because of low iron levels and low vitamin D. 

Not losing my sense of humor helps as well.

Whether emotional, spiritual, or physical causes, Depression is a frequent, unwanted visitor. The key is to have an arsenal to combat the depression from every angle. I have various ways to combat my depression. Some include putting on Salsa music or dancing. Meditation and reaching out to friends also help. I take my medication on a tight schedule. Exercising and taking vitamins are part of my routine. Writing is another method. By the time it took me to finish this blog post, my mood already improved.