GrowingOlderHopeWiser

“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”

Father Odoñes listened to Ryan’s final confession. The cell was dimly lit; through the small window, he could both see and hear the torrential rain outside. He felt old and tired. How many confessions had he heard? He had finger-combed his stark white hair and draped a purple stole around his neck. Father Odoñes peeked over his metal-rimmed reading glasses and held a small, worn Bible close to his heart. He sat on a wooden chair across from the prisoner’s bunk. Ryan sat with his hands clasped, a pair of handcuffs for safety. He was a tall, muscular man with slick black hair, steely blue eyes, and a mustache accenting his square face. Today, his face looked worn, with dark circles under his tearful eyes.

Ryan was raised by his grandparents, who lived in New York’s Washington Heights neighborhood. Fights often broke out between the Irish and the Dominicans in turf wars. He lost his parents in a car accident at age 8. His grandparents were devout Catholics who wanted to keep him away from gangs, so they raised him as a good Irish Catholic boy. He became an altar boy and served until high school. He was drafted into the Army during the Vietnam War; he returned a broken, angry man, like so many others.

He joined the Police Force, like his grandfather and father. That’s what good Irish Catholic boys do.

Ryan had been a beat cop in his younger days and had worked his way up the ranks to become a vice squad detective. His temper was channeled into questionable arrests. He was known for roughing up perps, pushing the ladies around, and abusing his CIs. The boys in the club all looked the other way, as usual; he was a Callahan, after all, and Police Royalty.

Ryan had only three fingers on each hand, the result of a freak injury when a defective perp’s gun exploded in his hands during a police sting operation. This only fueled his explosive nature. 

He was charming with his girlfriends until he turned on them and revealed his ugly side. The charges of domestic battery never stuck. 

“It has been 35 years since my last confession,” Ryan said, making the sign of the cross over his heart.

Ryan managed to charm a beautiful young woman who was also a devout Catholic and a friend of the family. This was the kind of girl you marry, his grandfather advised. Ryan thought he was in love and decided to propose to her on Christmas Eve 1971 with a gorgeous diamond ring he had pinched from a crooked pawnshop owner during one of his raids, to express the sincerity of his love.

Kelly doted on Ryan. They had a civil wedding with plans for a formal church wedding in a year. It was all roses and kisses for 6 months until they met Glen and his wife, Theresa. Glen was a handsome, chiseled-faced man with a million-dollar smile and dimples. Theresa, a feisty and gorgeous Latina, was his partner and wife. They were LAPD detectives on a training exchange. They started double-dating more and more. Soon, there were clandestine meetings in dark supper clubs and bars. Ryan’s dark side reared its ugly head. He could not contain his jealousy and rage; he followed them to the Ritz Hotel, seething, watching them. They went straight up in the elevator; they already had a key. It took all he had to hold it together. “Just a little while longer,” he thought. He noted the floor they got off on and took the next elevator to the 12th floor. They were still fumbling with the keys and laughing as they tried to get into the room. Ryan confronted them and put a gun to Kelly’s temple.

“Move,” he said. “Inside now, not a word.”

Kelly’s face had turned to terror; she pushed the door open, and they all entered the room. He made them kneel with their hands behind their backs and placed handcuffs on their wrists. Then he pounced like a tiger, twisted and broke Theresa’s neck, and then he let out his rage on Kelly.

“O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of Thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin. Amen.”

Father Odoñes gave Ryan final absolution.