After decades of people-pleasing and lying low, I finally learned that it is okay for me to say no, and I don’t have to feel guilty about it.
My nuclear family was highly dysfunctional; my mother was a rager, and her way to stop everyone in their tracks was to start screaming and threatening. I was told more than once that my liver would be removed! My younger sister asserted her needs by acting out her ADHD and making everyone’s life miserable. My mother’s best friend and permanent household fixture was a passed-out drunk who had to put on a show, playing the victim and ripping off her clothes.
I escaped one day, literally; I took my guitar and a few clothes in a bag and decided never to look back. I was the sole breadwinner in this dysfunctional family that was killing me inside. The guilt kept me tied to them. I finally said no. This is not how I want to live my life. Lucky for me, I had a point of reference for what life could be like without the insanity. Having lived with my elderly Aunts for a few years, I knew what normal felt like.
I knocked about for a few years, letting others walk all over me. It was a learning curve. Again, it is not okay to cheat on me, and it is not okay for you to hold me emotionally hostage. It took another decade, but I finally set myself free.
Now I set healthy boundaries with some people, and I am capable of building brick-and-mortar walls around others. I refuse to be held emotionally hostage by anyone for any reason.
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