I went on my first spiritual retreat when I was around 12. My great Aunt Mary took me on a Catholic atonement retreat at the Franciscan Friars of Atonement Seminary, headquartered at Graymoor in Garrison, New York. I went twice on this beautiful and peaceful retreat. A Christian retreat can be defined as a definite time (from a few hours to a month) spent away from one’s everyday life to reconnect, usually in prayer, with God.
Fast-forward to January 2014, when I went on a spiritual retreat again. Only this time, I was a Buddhist nun, and it was not an atonement retreat; it was a counting retreat. A Buddhist retreat can be a time of solitude or community (like the Buddhist Festivals).

In a counting retreat In Mahayana Buddhism, you count and chant prayers using a Mala (counting beads ) that represents the deity. These are sacred objects that must be treated respectfully, like living Dharma (Buddha’s teachings), and when blessed, your Mala should follow you like your shadow. 

I counted and chanted 100,000 Vajrayogini (Tantric Buddha) mantras accompanied by meditation, prayers, offerings, and much reflection during this particular spiritual retreat.

This 30-day spiritual retreat occurred on the picturesque 80-acre Glen Spey, New York, property of the Kadampa Buddhists.

At that time, I was an ordained Kadampa Buddhist nun named Kelsang Deshe. Now, I am a layperson again after living six wonderful and spiritual years as a nun.

The Two Visitors

When you approach a Buddhist temple on the highest point of the roof over the entryway, a pair of male and female deer can be seen at either side of an eight-spoked dharma wheel. Regarding the essential meaning of the dharma wheel, from a historical perspective, it is said to have been offered in the form of a thousand-spoked wheel to Śākyamuni Buddha by Brahma when requesting him to teach the sacred dharma. A pair of male and female deer came from the forest, also known as the Krishna Sara (Tib. kri sha na sa ra) antelope of compassion. They gazed at the wheel with awe and reverence. The pair of deer represent skillful means and wisdom, and based upon the unity of skillful means and wisdom, Buddhahood can be attained.

During the retreat, two deer visited me each morning as I sat in my appointed seat by a window. These visits were a delightful surprise during my spiritual retreat. So close that I could practically reach out the window to touch them. They encouraged me to finish this spiritual counting retreat, and I did!

Each day when I stepped outside my cabin was like a snow picture postcard had come to life. The Kadampa temple was gorgeous, the grounds serene and calming.

In conclusion, I completed my retreat and returned home feeling blessed, lighter, and mentally clear. These experiences encouraged me and were a special blessing, helping me to refocus and refresh my mind and spirituality.